Anfechtungen!

I had a PET scan on Monday of last week. I had a doctors appointment to hear the results of the scan on Friday. That made for a whole work-week of uncertainty. I went back and forth, from thinking I would get good results- after all I was taking treatment to stop future activity, to concerns of a worst case scenario. What if the cancer was now in my lungs or another organ - maybe in my brain. Every ache became a cause for concern last week- and let me tell you, at age 50 new aches have become way to common!

The results came back somewhere in the middle- with more good news than bad. The good news is all my organs came back clear as did a very important area- my neck where some pretty dangerous cancer has resided in the past. The bad news showed a few lymph nodes in the arm pit that are suspicious (especially with my cancer history). So we'll need to get after them starting with a possible biopsy. Maybe radiation will follow, my team of doctors is talking about next steps and best treatment options.

So that was my yo-yo week, my long distracting week. I liked the stretches of time where I didn't think about it at all. I didn't like hearing I wasn't 'all clear'. In the end, I am thankful for the healing I have received and pray for continued healing where necessary.

I'm also thankful for the diagnostic technology which makes treatment more focused and successful. Pinpointing suspect lymph nodes which are only 1.7 millimeters big is an amazing thing really. The brand new giant donut-like machine at Bergan Mercy did its job. In the not to distant past, I might have gotten 'all clear' news because something so small would not have been detected.

So now what? I'll keep getting weekly chemo to try to prevent the spread or new growth of any cancer. This could last up to a year. Then of course we still need to figure out what we are going to do with those 8 little problem nodes. Stupid, bad nodes. So they remain a concern- but not an 'anfechtungen'.

Anfechtungen was the word Luther used to describe the deep worry and despair he felt about the possibility of God judging and condemning him because he was a sinner. After dealing with a week of uncertainty I can understand better Luther's worst case senario concerns. Maybe you can remember times where you had deep worries and a time of uncertainty- maybe you too can understand Luther's anfechtungen- his dark worries. I wonder, are we ever as concerned as Luther about our eternal life?

Luther overcame his fears to a large degree after the Reformation. I like what Dr. Richard Bucher wrote concerning Luther 'His anfechtungen were valuable because they drove him to Scripture and compelled him to cling to God's promises. They taught him by experience, how sure, mighty, and comforting, God's promises can be. Thus, he not only knew, but lived God's Word.'

Here's to overcoming our fears and worries this week! Let's go to the Word as Luther did to find our source of strength to do just that. And let's all pray for the killing and destruction of 8 tiny nodes and the worry that goes with them. Have a great anfechtungen-free week!

Blest Regards,
kp