Let the cartoon begin! With those words the King of Cartoons would play a new cartoon at Pee-Wee Herman's playhouse on his old TV show. Those words sort of resonate for me for some goofy reason. Like how all this is really happening but doesn't seem quite real yet, like it's still just a cartoon- but the cartoon is quickly fading and reality setting in as chemo drugs have been poured in.
This past Friday we had a good meeting with my Oncologist again, Dr. Soori, who is positive about my prognosis. That's great news. I think having hope is the most important element in fighting cancer and I have plenty of it. The type of cancer I have is usually very responsive to the treatment program they have developed with noticeable results after just one week. I'll do 3 or 4 sessions to kill as many cancer cells as possible- hopefully all of of them.
After the Dr. visit came the chemo which consists of long IV treatments poured into me through a port which I had surgically inserted in my rock hard chest last week. So from 11:30 AM or so till about 4:30 PM I was filled up with my chemo drugs and other things to help keep my juices flowing so as not to damage my kidneys. Then I received a backpack (looks like a college bookbag) with more chemo and saline which I which I wore for 4 days and nights.
This first round gives you an idea of what's to come. Generally dealing with a slight case of naseau at all times isn't to much fun. Eating lighter is the rule- with the weight loss benefit of most likely losing 30 extra pounds or so. Each round of chemo comes 3 weeks apart so 4 rounds will take 9 weeks I now calculate my last treatment on Christmas Day! Maybe there's another message of hope there for me!
Then my team of doctors will decide about possible radiation but this may not be possible as I've been down this road before and a guys head can only be microwaved so much. Too much radiation can start more cancer than it kills. Lastly I will undergo surgery again to remove all the impacted lymph nodes. And then I will start feeling better, my hair will regrow, my stamina increase- and I return to full health, that's my hope anyway.
This morning I tell you all this as a message of HOPE for you as well. As I mentioned earlier, hope is a big deal to cancer patients. It provides a reason for perseverence and determination to get through the hard times. The Bible speaks directly to hope in this context of suffering. Part of my wife's life verses (Romans 5: 1-5) reads, ' 3 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us.'
In these few verses we learn God provides in suffering an amazing gift for each of us- a gift of eternal healing. He calls this gift HOPE which I define as the sure confidence of salvation. No matter what you suffer through, for those who believe in Jesus' saving work, the gift of HOPE will help get you through. Healing hope helps cancer patients, heavenly HOPE strengthens believers! I hope heavenly hope is all you need! I'm taking my fair share of the other!
Hopeful Regards,
kp
Monday, October 26, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Just a Closer Walk with Thee!
My news yesterday was pretty good as far as cancer news goes. Cancer 'rollercoaster' is a term commonly used to describe the news that cancer patients get. Good news one day, difficult news the next. Sherri and I experienced this to some extent in my last cancer adventure. One day benign, the next day cancer, body scans good, cancer extremely dangerous and on and on it went ending with good news. This time we already had some good news in our pocket, that my old cancer was not back which would have been very difficult news.
So walking into the doctor's office yesterday, Sherri and I really didn't know what to expect. I had just completed two days of tests with machines that now know me more intimately than I care to share with you here. I drank contrast, had dye put in my IV, and even had some radioactive material injected into my veins- all to see what was going on inside me.
Dr. Soori walked in and began reading the test results. Cancer here of this size, cancer there of that size and oh, another cancer over here. EEEESH! Stop already. Then the good news. No throat cancer, no lung cancer, no chest cancer and no cancer in the southern regions. Bottom line, we are fortunate not to be dealing with more difficult news this morning. The cancer I have is still pretty localized to the neck (though starting to head south to the arm pit) but is very treatable and most likely curable. I have to do chemo and surgery and maybe radiation again but this stuff is usually beatable. And that's exactly what I intend to do again. Stupid cancer.
Interestingly, in Sunday School this past Sunday we talked about Old Testament folks who lived 800 or 900 years, guys like Methusela. That sounded pretty cool especially since no one gets that many years anymore. Then we talked about three guys who didn't die- Enoch, Elijah, and Jesus. We learned how Enoch just walked off with God to heaven. That sounded like a pretty good way to get there. The key to walking off to heaven with God is walking with God in the first place don't you think? One commentary put 'walking with God' in these terms, 'while others lived to themselves and the world, Enoch lived to God. It was the joy and support of his life. Communion with God was to him better than life itself.'
We've been exploring that very topic in our Thursday Bible Study 'In the Dust of the Rabbi' which refers to the tradition of disciples walking so closely to their rabbis that they were always in the dust the rabbi's feet stirred up. The overarching point is that we are to be walking that close to our rabbi Jesus today. What a different church we would have if we were all walking 'Enoch close' to Jesus. These thoughts return to mind as I consider my reaction to my cancer news. In some ways my new cancer adventure seems like a call to me from Jesus himself saying, 'Hey, you're lagging behind a bit. Walk a little closer please.'
Maybe my wake up call, my walk closer call can be your snooze alarm. As children of God maybe it's time to grab a leg as young ones sometimes do with parents and hang on for dear life. I know I did this past week. I'm not going to be letting go anytime soon. That's how close my walk is right now. As such, my prayer this week comes from an old hymn: 'Just a closer walk with Thee, Grant it, Jesus, is my plea, Daily walking close to Thee, Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.'
So this week begins my new cancer adventure. Friday I spend the day in an easy chair having chemo drugs poured into me. Then I get 4 days of drugs in a small backpack I'll carry with me. Then three weeks later we start the process over again. We'll do this routine three or four times. Here's the bottom line, I may lose my hair and some weight but I won't lose my grip. I'm holding on to my God-given faith with both hands as I walk in His dust. Dust and chemo are my keys to success! Let it be, dear Lord let it be so!
Dustily Yours,
kp
So walking into the doctor's office yesterday, Sherri and I really didn't know what to expect. I had just completed two days of tests with machines that now know me more intimately than I care to share with you here. I drank contrast, had dye put in my IV, and even had some radioactive material injected into my veins- all to see what was going on inside me.
Dr. Soori walked in and began reading the test results. Cancer here of this size, cancer there of that size and oh, another cancer over here. EEEESH! Stop already. Then the good news. No throat cancer, no lung cancer, no chest cancer and no cancer in the southern regions. Bottom line, we are fortunate not to be dealing with more difficult news this morning. The cancer I have is still pretty localized to the neck (though starting to head south to the arm pit) but is very treatable and most likely curable. I have to do chemo and surgery and maybe radiation again but this stuff is usually beatable. And that's exactly what I intend to do again. Stupid cancer.
Interestingly, in Sunday School this past Sunday we talked about Old Testament folks who lived 800 or 900 years, guys like Methusela. That sounded pretty cool especially since no one gets that many years anymore. Then we talked about three guys who didn't die- Enoch, Elijah, and Jesus. We learned how Enoch just walked off with God to heaven. That sounded like a pretty good way to get there. The key to walking off to heaven with God is walking with God in the first place don't you think? One commentary put 'walking with God' in these terms, 'while others lived to themselves and the world, Enoch lived to God. It was the joy and support of his life. Communion with God was to him better than life itself.'
We've been exploring that very topic in our Thursday Bible Study 'In the Dust of the Rabbi' which refers to the tradition of disciples walking so closely to their rabbis that they were always in the dust the rabbi's feet stirred up. The overarching point is that we are to be walking that close to our rabbi Jesus today. What a different church we would have if we were all walking 'Enoch close' to Jesus. These thoughts return to mind as I consider my reaction to my cancer news. In some ways my new cancer adventure seems like a call to me from Jesus himself saying, 'Hey, you're lagging behind a bit. Walk a little closer please.'
Maybe my wake up call, my walk closer call can be your snooze alarm. As children of God maybe it's time to grab a leg as young ones sometimes do with parents and hang on for dear life. I know I did this past week. I'm not going to be letting go anytime soon. That's how close my walk is right now. As such, my prayer this week comes from an old hymn: 'Just a closer walk with Thee, Grant it, Jesus, is my plea, Daily walking close to Thee, Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.'
So this week begins my new cancer adventure. Friday I spend the day in an easy chair having chemo drugs poured into me. Then I get 4 days of drugs in a small backpack I'll carry with me. Then three weeks later we start the process over again. We'll do this routine three or four times. Here's the bottom line, I may lose my hair and some weight but I won't lose my grip. I'm holding on to my God-given faith with both hands as I walk in His dust. Dust and chemo are my keys to success! Let it be, dear Lord let it be so!
Dustily Yours,
kp
A new thing!
I'm going to start publishing my weekly 'Bottom Corner Thoughts' which I write for my church newsletter on this site as well so others can read them if they so choose. I guess this will be an additional archive of sorts.
Lately, most of these are more health updates than anything as I begin another battle with cancer- unrelated to the first five years ago. I'm just a two-time lucky cancer lottery winner.
I write to encourage, to build faith and to inspire others to action. I hope I can do that for you as well.
Blest Regards,
kp
Lately, most of these are more health updates than anything as I begin another battle with cancer- unrelated to the first five years ago. I'm just a two-time lucky cancer lottery winner.
I write to encourage, to build faith and to inspire others to action. I hope I can do that for you as well.
Blest Regards,
kp
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Let's Make a Deal!
'That's great!' my brother told me. I said 'I told you I have cancer and you tell me that's great? Thanks!' Then we shared a quick laugh.We were talking about the news from my biopsy last week where we learned that I have cancer.
Mark had made his comment in reference to the fact that I have a different cancer than my last one. Getting that one back would have made for a difficult meeting with my doctor. The odds of successful treatment would have been very poor.Instead I have a new and different cancer. One which while still very dangerous, is far more treatable and curable. Oddly it is a cancer far more common among smokers. Maybe I'm paying a pretty high price for that golf course cigar I had 10 years ago. Even then, like Bill Clinton, I promise you I did not inhale!
The other piece of good news I got was that the doctor told me it would be a good thing to gain a little weight. When was the last time a doctor told you that? So last night at the company dinner at Gorat's I ordered the large filet to go with the onion rings, bread, spaghetti, baked potato and salad (with blue cheese dressing). I think I almost OD'd on that prescription.
Treatment will consist of tests to make the cancer hasn't spread, chemo, possible radiation (I still glow from my last radiation so they may not be able to do more) and then surgery to remove impacted lymph nodes and tonsils. All this fun begins yet this week with a visit to my oncologist.
On a lighter note, while I waited for this great news, I decided to take Luther's example of making deals with God when in grave danger. Hey, it worked for him and Luther later honored his promise to enter a monastery when saved from a lightning storm. I made some promises as well, none of which involved a monastery which my wife and kids will be happy to learn. But the idea of God playing a Holy, Almighty Monty Hall on Let's Make a Deal didn't seem to fit any Scripture I could remember. To the contrary I later remembered Jesus saying He could have the rocks and stones praise Him if no one else did - so it turned out God didn't need any of my crisis provoked promises. I then thought about how much I don't like rocks and stones.
God did seem to indicate He was pleased with my additional efforts to contact Him during this dangerous time. He also seemed to wonder why I wasn't always this communicative, why I wasn't always so interested in talking and listening to Him. I rubbed my temples like Steve Spurrier in a Husker game and mentioned that He made a good point and promised (yet again) to do better.
On a serious note, a couple of thoughts come to mind from this that I would like to share with you. First, God has a plan for each of us. And the length of that plan here on earth is not our decision- no matter how hard we may pray or the crazy deals we may offer up. We all know many great people who God has given short times to and that clearly speaks to His will, not their faith or promises or actions.
Secondly, life is short no matter what. We really are the Biblical mist and grass that perish so quickly. The cancer of sin results in our death. So live today for Him. Live like you made a deal with God even though He's the One who made the deal, sealed the deal and honored the deal. Talk with Him, listen to Him, praise Him, love Him, and love others- that's your deal! He gives you the faith to take action in these areas. I'll keep you informed of my health status as events merit, but know this, no matter what, no matter if this news may change during my treatment, my eternal prognosis is great. So is yours if you do not toss aside the faith He has given you. Difficult news becomes no less sad in this light, but it does bring comfort and peace and hope. May God grant each of us an extra measure of His love and Holy Spirit this week as we run this short race.
Blest Regards,
kp
Mark had made his comment in reference to the fact that I have a different cancer than my last one. Getting that one back would have made for a difficult meeting with my doctor. The odds of successful treatment would have been very poor.Instead I have a new and different cancer. One which while still very dangerous, is far more treatable and curable. Oddly it is a cancer far more common among smokers. Maybe I'm paying a pretty high price for that golf course cigar I had 10 years ago. Even then, like Bill Clinton, I promise you I did not inhale!
The other piece of good news I got was that the doctor told me it would be a good thing to gain a little weight. When was the last time a doctor told you that? So last night at the company dinner at Gorat's I ordered the large filet to go with the onion rings, bread, spaghetti, baked potato and salad (with blue cheese dressing). I think I almost OD'd on that prescription.
Treatment will consist of tests to make the cancer hasn't spread, chemo, possible radiation (I still glow from my last radiation so they may not be able to do more) and then surgery to remove impacted lymph nodes and tonsils. All this fun begins yet this week with a visit to my oncologist.
On a lighter note, while I waited for this great news, I decided to take Luther's example of making deals with God when in grave danger. Hey, it worked for him and Luther later honored his promise to enter a monastery when saved from a lightning storm. I made some promises as well, none of which involved a monastery which my wife and kids will be happy to learn. But the idea of God playing a Holy, Almighty Monty Hall on Let's Make a Deal didn't seem to fit any Scripture I could remember. To the contrary I later remembered Jesus saying He could have the rocks and stones praise Him if no one else did - so it turned out God didn't need any of my crisis provoked promises. I then thought about how much I don't like rocks and stones.
God did seem to indicate He was pleased with my additional efforts to contact Him during this dangerous time. He also seemed to wonder why I wasn't always this communicative, why I wasn't always so interested in talking and listening to Him. I rubbed my temples like Steve Spurrier in a Husker game and mentioned that He made a good point and promised (yet again) to do better.
On a serious note, a couple of thoughts come to mind from this that I would like to share with you. First, God has a plan for each of us. And the length of that plan here on earth is not our decision- no matter how hard we may pray or the crazy deals we may offer up. We all know many great people who God has given short times to and that clearly speaks to His will, not their faith or promises or actions.
Secondly, life is short no matter what. We really are the Biblical mist and grass that perish so quickly. The cancer of sin results in our death. So live today for Him. Live like you made a deal with God even though He's the One who made the deal, sealed the deal and honored the deal. Talk with Him, listen to Him, praise Him, love Him, and love others- that's your deal! He gives you the faith to take action in these areas. I'll keep you informed of my health status as events merit, but know this, no matter what, no matter if this news may change during my treatment, my eternal prognosis is great. So is yours if you do not toss aside the faith He has given you. Difficult news becomes no less sad in this light, but it does bring comfort and peace and hope. May God grant each of us an extra measure of His love and Holy Spirit this week as we run this short race.
Blest Regards,
kp
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Grace All Sufficient
This past week as I refereed a volleyball game between Pius X and St Vincent I looked at my arms and realized if anyone else saw what I saw they would think I am a drug addict thanks to all the needle marks there. I shook my head at the little dark marks and called for another serve. And thus begins a column I had hoped to never write.
Over the past couple weeks I've had numerous needles stuck in me to draw blood or add contrast for MRIs. They're the result of the discovery of another lump in my neck. I've had two of those in the past, both resulting in surgery, both cancerous. Now I have a third bump and yesterday a biopsy was taken so we can learn what I am dealing with this time. Results are due sometime next week.
So, as I write this I don't know much more than what I've just told you- Sherri and I are playing the waiting game. What I do know is this- I have amazing world-class doctors (who people come from all over the country to see) who did a great job removing and treating my most recent cancer episode to get me healthy again. If anyone can heal me, these men can. In addition I have a fantastic team of nurses who Sherri and I have come to know personally to help me get through long chemo treatments.
I also have as most of you know, an amazingly supportive and loving family. In a world where families move thousands of miles apart in distance, love, and care for one another, God has blessed me with one of the closest most loving families He ever created. And as if having one family like this wasn't enough, God blessed me with another just like my own when I married Sherri. So I have two families for which I could never find the words to adequately describe their love and support.
And now let me tell you about someone else I have- God's special gift to me- His wonderful blessing of a Biblical wife, a woman who loves me without condition with the exact kind of amazing love God intended a wife to have- a love I could never hope to match. She will be there with me every step of the way asking hard questions of the doctors, providing support for me whenever I need it and always ready to find those foods which still taste half-way decent to a chemo patient (no small task let me tell you!). All that plus she has an advanced degree in the foreign language of hospital statements and bills!
I think you already know my most important support person (He's yours as well in case you didn't know) - my God, the one and only God, who created the entire universe, is eternally powerful and above all, who knows me, little me by name and loves me more than I could ever understand or even describe in this paragraph (or a thousand books). I know He has a plan for me and my family, a plan for my good and so as I begin a new health adventure, I do so in His love and care, I do so with a joy and confidence in believing.
So, I begin a new journey this week- hopefully a short health adventure with a quick return to health and an 'all clear' prognosis. But no matter the result of this biopsy and the path He has chosen for me, I'll keep you informed through this blog and covet and be thankful for your prayers. For you should know I appreciate and love each one of you as well- you are another gift from God for me. I leave you with some words of comfort from a favorite hymn 'How Firm a Foundation' (and Isaiah 41:0) that bring a smile to my face even as I write to you from these uncertain times:
Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.
When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.
The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no, never, no, never forsake!
To these words I say Amen and Amen!
Blest Regards,
kp
Over the past couple weeks I've had numerous needles stuck in me to draw blood or add contrast for MRIs. They're the result of the discovery of another lump in my neck. I've had two of those in the past, both resulting in surgery, both cancerous. Now I have a third bump and yesterday a biopsy was taken so we can learn what I am dealing with this time. Results are due sometime next week.
So, as I write this I don't know much more than what I've just told you- Sherri and I are playing the waiting game. What I do know is this- I have amazing world-class doctors (who people come from all over the country to see) who did a great job removing and treating my most recent cancer episode to get me healthy again. If anyone can heal me, these men can. In addition I have a fantastic team of nurses who Sherri and I have come to know personally to help me get through long chemo treatments.
I also have as most of you know, an amazingly supportive and loving family. In a world where families move thousands of miles apart in distance, love, and care for one another, God has blessed me with one of the closest most loving families He ever created. And as if having one family like this wasn't enough, God blessed me with another just like my own when I married Sherri. So I have two families for which I could never find the words to adequately describe their love and support.
And now let me tell you about someone else I have- God's special gift to me- His wonderful blessing of a Biblical wife, a woman who loves me without condition with the exact kind of amazing love God intended a wife to have- a love I could never hope to match. She will be there with me every step of the way asking hard questions of the doctors, providing support for me whenever I need it and always ready to find those foods which still taste half-way decent to a chemo patient (no small task let me tell you!). All that plus she has an advanced degree in the foreign language of hospital statements and bills!
I think you already know my most important support person (He's yours as well in case you didn't know) - my God, the one and only God, who created the entire universe, is eternally powerful and above all, who knows me, little me by name and loves me more than I could ever understand or even describe in this paragraph (or a thousand books). I know He has a plan for me and my family, a plan for my good and so as I begin a new health adventure, I do so in His love and care, I do so with a joy and confidence in believing.
So, I begin a new journey this week- hopefully a short health adventure with a quick return to health and an 'all clear' prognosis. But no matter the result of this biopsy and the path He has chosen for me, I'll keep you informed through this blog and covet and be thankful for your prayers. For you should know I appreciate and love each one of you as well- you are another gift from God for me. I leave you with some words of comfort from a favorite hymn 'How Firm a Foundation' (and Isaiah 41:0) that bring a smile to my face even as I write to you from these uncertain times:
Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.
When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.
The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no, never, no, never forsake!
To these words I say Amen and Amen!
Blest Regards,
kp
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